S as in Saudi – over and out. April 25, 2009Posted by Aella in Al Khobar, Bahrain, Bahrain Daily, Beirut, Blogroll, Culture, Don't - just don't, Dubai, Food, India, Indonesia, Iran, Israel, Karlskrona, Lebanon, Life, Manama, Music, Pakistan, Palestine, Pictures, Qatar, Quotes, Saudi Arabia, Saudi culture, Sweden, Tool, UAE, War, Whack, Work.
So. I have for quite some time been thinking about ending my blogging here at S as in Saudi. I have a lot to say but still nothing interesting to be honest. It has all been said. Been bitchin’, going on my rants, praising, celebrating, crying, whining and shit…
I have recently turned over a new leaf and I can see things quite a bit clearer and more focused when it comes to my life. I must say that, the years that I have been blogging here has been some of the hardest yet most interesting years of my life. I finally feel I can focus even if I don’t know exactly where I am heading. At least I know where I am not looking to head.
It has been an interesting journey where I started blogging to record the changes in my life and attitude and ended up a truly different person in a situation in which I never thought I would be in.
So I guess this is the last post here. I will keep the blog online for now and I will come back and hopefully read old posts and comments with a smile. It has been great getting all these comments from people all over the place. Some of you which I got to know a little more and some who only came once for whatever reason. I want to thank you all for your presence.
I will eventually be blogging elsewhere but it will be about a topic that I am passionate about. Who knows, we might meet again.
love to all of you out there
No ado about no,no,no nothing March 23, 2009Posted by Aella in Bahrain, Beirut, Culture, Lebanon, Life.
I see that it has been some time since I posted. Usually not enough is happening but now I feel too much is spinning around in my head. Not that I am doing much to be honest. I go to work, go home, go food shopping and that’s about it. I don’t feel like seeing anyone these days and I am spending most of my time alone or with my children.
My mum and her husband was here for seven days which was really nice. I took them to a few places but to be honest, I don’t feel there is much to do here. They aren’t into going to shopping malls which is understandable and there aren’t any decent beaches as far as I know. I have heard of one called Algerian beach or something but I haven’t got around to figuring out where it is yet.
Something that amazes me here is how Bahraini women ALWAYS talk on the mobile while driving… It’s like their ears are stuck to the mobile. It is very rare, I think to see a Bahraini woman driving and NOT talking on the mobile. Just a note.
The weather has become hotter. I miss Swedish spring. The smell of grass, trees,the sound of trickling water, the sound of birds, the sight of birds building nests. Uh, I miss nature so much.
Quite frankly November 15, 2008Posted by Aella in Bahrain, Beirut, Culture, Manama, Sweden.
….life here is slowly wearing me down. The last nine months has really taken a toll on my attitude, my strength, my patience, my beliefs and my personality. Being a single mother of three children with no support close to you is hard as it is without having people trying to exploit the situation.
I used to wonder how some people could be so negative, bitter and fierce but find that I am pretty much like that myself these days. I have developed a dislike for a lot of people and have no patience with them whatsoever. I can go from being happy to a state of rage in seconds if someone crosses my path in an inconsiderate way.
I have been patient with people, I have given them the benefit of doubt and I have reminded myself how I am brought up to treat people but I feel that wherever you go people want something from you, there are no what I call normal personal relationships. Everyone wants something from you whether it’s a date, a free ride,money or whatever.. It’s really too much.
When I am in Sweden I can get impatient with peoples stiff ways and their whiney attitudes as they complain about ridiculous things (is it really worth crying about how the neighbour closes his door?). They really do not understand how good their lives are over there and how safe lives they have. Here it is every man and woman for himself. You have to fight your way through and no one gives a shit by the end of the day whether you make it or not. Yes, my friends this is the bitter truth and you all knew it before I did since I have a disturbing, naive trait ( so I been told plenty of times) that has stayed with me until now. I always wanted to believe that people are good, that they don’t lie nor are looking to hurt you or use you. Unfortunately, this is not the case and I really can’t be asked to elaborate because I feel this is just the way life is down here (really not dissing your country Bahrainis). I am trying to keep up my spirit but quite frankly….
I’m tired of everything and I feel my strenght is leaving me.
Eid Mubarak September 30, 2008Posted by Aella in Bahrain, Beirut, Manama, Sweden.
Eid Mubarak to you all. I hope you and your families will all have a great Eid.
Woke up way too early today. Will take a nap later.
Iftar 10/09/08 September 10, 2008Posted by Aella in Bahrain, Beirut, Culture, Karlskrona, Lebanon, Life, Manama, Sweden.
The sun had set and something made her slow down the car as she passed by the now lit up fast food joint. She parked her car in an utterly bad and careless way on the side of the road. Not because she was actually careless, merely because she felt no will or strenght to care for a proper parking. Surely the police will be eating now anyway she thought as she grabbed her cardigan, car key and bag and left the car.
As she pushed the door open she once again registered what she already had seen from the street. The place was pretty abandoned except for one couple that had come to pick up a take away. They sat by the window talking and smiling. Their silver coloured car was parked outside the door in the middle of the lane, the engine still running. A small man in a big suv was honking his horn obviously thinking the car would move. It didn’t.
She walked up to the counter and made a quick order of something she had eaten before but still didn’t care much for. Why was she here, she wondered as she walked down the room and sat down by one of the many empty tables. The streets outside were empty with the expecetions of a few men on bicycles cycling by. She rested her face in her hands and sighed. Something inside felt sad and god so heavy. How sad am I, sitting here alone she thought. She grabbed her bag to see if there was anything to read in there but could only find her passport. A manic version of herself was smiling back at her as she flicked through the pages. Sad and lonely were the only feelings she could describe the moment as.
The take away couple grabbed their bags and left. Silence. A feeling of something strange in the air. Her heart sank even deeper. So this was it? She looked outside and saw her reflection in the mirror. Fifty-six empty chairs in the room and then there she was. Alone. She hated to admit it but the air was carrying a feeling from the past. She felt like an abandoned child at Christmas. Not that she ever was abandoned at Christmas.
She ate her food with no contentment whatsoever. Left the joint and drove home.
As she washed her face in the bathroom after having arrived home, she sang a song from her childhood. A song that was a part of a life left behind but held dear in the most secret part of her being.
Loud and clear did her voice echo up through the thirteen storey building. Families having just finished their first meal of the day stopped talking and looked up. Children stopped their crying and interupted their boisterous games. All members of these well constructed family units leaning their heads towards their bathrooms listening to the lonely and clear voice. What language may this be they asked themselves? What floor does this voice stem from?
natten var stor och stum
nu hör det svingar
i alla tysta rum
sus som av vingar
se på vår tröskel står
vitklädd med ljus i hår
The song cleansed her broken spirit if only for a moment and a certain beauty was added to her loneliness. Something from the past held her company.
Ramadan Kareem August 31, 2008Posted by Aella in Al Khobar, Bahrain, Bahrain Daily, Beirut, Culture, Dubai, Food, India, Indonesia, Iran, Karlskrona, Lebanon, Life, Manama, Pictures, Qatar, Saudi Arabia, Saudi culture, Sweden, UAE.
Ramadan Mubarak to all sisters and brothers out there.
May Allah accept your prayers, fasting and good deeds in this holy month
and may it’s virtues extend to many years to come.
Have a good ‘un!
I am filthy rich! August 19, 2008Posted by Aella in Al Khobar, Bahrain, Beirut, Culture, Lebanon, Life, Manama, Pictures, Saudi Arabia, Saudi culture, Sweden.
Something which I find both amusing and annyoing is that most people (except for the average Western expats) here seems to assume us European expats are loaded with cash. Having our mattresses stuffed with 20 dinar bills, wiping our asses with the same in the loo. Some do yes and some don’t… I bloody don’t and it is annoying when people are insinuating that one could and should pay more for goods and services cus oooh I am so loaded. Well I’m not fucking loaded ok and I can tell you that the average maid on the street most likely have more money in her pocket than I have during the month. Really, it is annoying so stop bloody assuming we are rich just cus we have white skin and a (kind of) clear accent.
General sadness August 2, 2008Posted by Aella in Bahrain, Beirut, Culture, Lebanon, Manama, Sweden, Work.
I am back in Dubai since Thursday evening. The last few days have been really busy and it took me some time to realise that I could actually use the computers in the hotel that I am staying in. In my typical ways I tried finding a unsecured wireless network to hook up to but only managed to disable the Microsoft Wireless client thingy..
My little princesses left for Beirut with their father Wednesday morning and it broke my heart, really broke my heart to see them leave. I can’t think about it cus it just makes me tear. After I went back up to the apartment I broke down. Seeing their clothes, teddy bears, a blanket, their fingerprints on the glass table, hearing the echoe of their little voices giggling as they tickle and tease me. I miss my children so much and I really cannot imagine what life would be like without having them near me. I used to think women that broke down when their kids leave home at adult age were silly but now I can so understand what they are going through..
Dubai…is humid and hot. Everyone has an opinion about Dubai whether they have been here or not but my general impression is that it is one huge construction site. There is plenty to do here for tourists though so I do think they have done quite a good job on that part.
Feeling exhausted from July. I felt weak and down throughout most of the month and the day before I “got” my leave was too much. Many times we don’t realise how living in cultures different than our own affects us. How we mistake things without even understanding it, assuming people have the same frames of reference as we do. How it stresses us out being confused about different sets of standards that are thrown at us. Different definitions of ethics. Yes, and most of the time we might not even understand anything of this as we go through it…
I am tired and I am feeling really old.
And lost at sea.