Quite frankly November 15, 2008Posted by Aella in Bahrain, Beirut, Culture, Manama, Sweden.
….life here is slowly wearing me down. The last nine months has really taken a toll on my attitude, my strength, my patience, my beliefs and my personality. Being a single mother of three children with no support close to you is hard as it is without having people trying to exploit the situation.
I used to wonder how some people could be so negative, bitter and fierce but find that I am pretty much like that myself these days. I have developed a dislike for a lot of people and have no patience with them whatsoever. I can go from being happy to a state of rage in seconds if someone crosses my path in an inconsiderate way.
I have been patient with people, I have given them the benefit of doubt and I have reminded myself how I am brought up to treat people but I feel that wherever you go people want something from you, there are no what I call normal personal relationships. Everyone wants something from you whether it’s a date, a free ride,money or whatever.. It’s really too much.
When I am in Sweden I can get impatient with peoples stiff ways and their whiney attitudes as they complain about ridiculous things (is it really worth crying about how the neighbour closes his door?). They really do not understand how good their lives are over there and how safe lives they have. Here it is every man and woman for himself. You have to fight your way through and no one gives a shit by the end of the day whether you make it or not. Yes, my friends this is the bitter truth and you all knew it before I did since I have a disturbing, naive trait ( so I been told plenty of times) that has stayed with me until now. I always wanted to believe that people are good, that they don’t lie nor are looking to hurt you or use you. Unfortunately, this is not the case and I really can’t be asked to elaborate because I feel this is just the way life is down here (really not dissing your country Bahrainis). I am trying to keep up my spirit but quite frankly….
I’m tired of everything and I feel my strenght is leaving me.